| i'm always a mess. i can never keep my own secrets. i laugh too hard at stupid things. my favorite songs can make me cry. i always watch for 11:11, but miss it more than i notice it. i live in the past, in the memories i have with the people i love. i hate thinking about reality and i'm so homesick that it's not even funny. but not homesick in a missing my house kind of way, maybe it's more like heartsick for all the things that i can't get back. it's hard for me to define myself, i guess i'm just a cliche. the girl who loved too hard and didn't get anything in return. |
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| So never mind about Aaron. I'm done with his shit. So goodbye Aaron. |
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| Biancas first day of school was today. She looked cute. That girl reminds me more of a little sister everyday. :) sometimes I wish I was still in high school lol Had my appointment with the physical therapist today...learned how to use crutches. It was interesting. Some of these posts will probably be pretty short. I havent heard from Aaron yet. I hope I do. I really miss him still.I have dreams about him sometimes. I really hope he's doing okay out there. |
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| I don't think that you understand, like really comprehend this. I'm not over exaggerating, I'm not saying it just to say it, and I sure as Hell am not lying. There isn't anyone else who has a chance right now because all I want is you.
"And I thought of that old joke, you know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, uh, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken,' and uh, the doctor says, 'Well why don't you turn him in?' And the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and - but uh, I guess we keep going through it... because... most of us need the eggs." |
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| My aaron left on Thursday for his farm school. He barely even said bye. It hurts really bad. But I know he loves me and am thinking that maybe it was just too hard to say goodbye? I would understand that. Saying goodbye would have been worse then how I felt this way. He said he would love me always and that he'd miss me a lot. Im gonna miss him too. So I'm turning this into a daily diary and using it to write to him even though I know he can't see it until he gets back. I might not even show it too him but it'll make me feel better to write the next 10 months out. Except I was bad. Horrible actually. I slept with this guy named Alex e day after he left. It sucked. I couldn't stop thinking about him. And felt horrible. And it just sucked in general. I miss Aaron so much. It's going to be so hard without him. On another note I got a job!! At the gnarly gar until I go into surgery. Surgery is going to suck. Im gonna be stuck in bed/ on crutches for 6-8 months. Its crazy! But you'll hear all about it :)
The record on the stereo played her favorite song for two whole days, and the track stretched out for miles and miles. What she’d give for one more smile, and how she hoped he missed her, cause God she missed how he would kiss her.
"All we really need to survive is one person that truly loves us. And you have her. I will wait for you. Always." |
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